Green palm fronds lead
Brown mule on through
Cheers of man with
Knees bent down.
Whipped and flayed, cold
Steel digs deep, no
Word or curse, just
Bares the pain.
Red stained hands nail
Flesh of God to
Brown wood cross for
Sins of man.
Christ lies dead in
Tomb of shame while
Pained mum wept and
Friends just hide
But He lives, white
Robes swept clean; why
Did He die? For
You my friend.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Monday, October 09, 2006
The Watoto Children's Choir
The Watoto Children's Choir from Uganda just visited Windsor Park. I am left somewhat speechless at exactly what happened to me during their visit but it was one of those things that makes your heart both crush in agony and explode with joy.
It is one thing to watch advertising that states the fact that something like 8,500 adults die of aids everyday in Africa or to see pictures of children that need sponsors just simply to live and breathe, the two things I take most seriously for granted; However, it is an entirely different thing to see the effect of it right in front of your eyes. To see a choir of children dancing and singing with such joy in Christ, for them to proclaim that they rejoice in Christ for what he has given them, even though they have lost one or both of their parents to aids, was overwhelming. It was that sensation of grief that such a thing was possible to happen to so many people and yet the power of their joy interspersed my tears with laughter.
I am ashamed with my pathetic attempts to praise God for the good he has done for me; their praises filled our church, and our praises barely register on a decibel meter...
It is one thing to watch advertising that states the fact that something like 8,500 adults die of aids everyday in Africa or to see pictures of children that need sponsors just simply to live and breathe, the two things I take most seriously for granted; However, it is an entirely different thing to see the effect of it right in front of your eyes. To see a choir of children dancing and singing with such joy in Christ, for them to proclaim that they rejoice in Christ for what he has given them, even though they have lost one or both of their parents to aids, was overwhelming. It was that sensation of grief that such a thing was possible to happen to so many people and yet the power of their joy interspersed my tears with laughter.
I am ashamed with my pathetic attempts to praise God for the good he has done for me; their praises filled our church, and our praises barely register on a decibel meter...
Sunday, October 01, 2006
hmm..it seems to be about 6 months in between bouts of blog writing at the moment, I wonder if it is simply a representation of how I have happened to structure my life, leaving very little time for the musing of the mind, or if nothing particularly revelational has happened to me in 6 months.
Regardless, tonight was a night of firsts. Tonight was the first time (at least for a number of years) I actually seriously thought about not going to church...that would have been a big mistake - I would have missed out on another first, I actually introduced someone new to the church to someone else in the church. That might sound stupid to some people but I have never been comfortable with people that I know coming into the church I go to (regardless of the strength of their faith.) I guess I just would always be concerned about the things in my community that I didn’t want other people to see, but tonight i was reminded it was not my business where God wants to call people to; So I must make people feel more than welcome, and not be embarrassed with the things that are out of my control at Windsor.
"Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." Luke 7:18
Its amazing how you can read a verse so many times, and still not understand the implications of it fully
Regardless, tonight was a night of firsts. Tonight was the first time (at least for a number of years) I actually seriously thought about not going to church...that would have been a big mistake - I would have missed out on another first, I actually introduced someone new to the church to someone else in the church. That might sound stupid to some people but I have never been comfortable with people that I know coming into the church I go to (regardless of the strength of their faith.) I guess I just would always be concerned about the things in my community that I didn’t want other people to see, but tonight i was reminded it was not my business where God wants to call people to; So I must make people feel more than welcome, and not be embarrassed with the things that are out of my control at Windsor.
"Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." Luke 7:18
Its amazing how you can read a verse so many times, and still not understand the implications of it fully
Sunday, May 14, 2006
NOISE!!!!
One bit at time
I am constantly amazed at the way in which God works; at times frustratingly slow, yet sometimes so fast I don’t even realize what is happening. I guess its that feeling that you are traveling on a bullet train somewhere, but you don’t know what the destination is, or how far you still have to travel. All I can see is that something is growing all the time; I really wish I knew what it was!
I recently attended a worship music conference in Auckland simply named, noise; quite an apt name really, I often think our worship crosses that line between praise and noise, not that it is necessarily a bad thing. I am sure that when the Israelites were marching around the walls of Jericho that there was a great ‘noise’ in worship to God. Regardless of what the name given to the conference implies, I found much of the workshops and seminars quite useful, if not, then at least entertaining or inspiring. Hillsong United’s seminar on fostering youth worship reminded me that worship is not just about the music, in fact, music is not just about the music; without people, music has absolutely no purpose. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1) Worship is all about the people, because God is all about the people.
I was able to hear, for the first time, Brooke Fraser talk about Jesus. Nothing really original to me, but it definitely gave me insight into Brooke’s heart which filled the ‘inspiring’ part of the day. Jeff Crabtree is a absolute legend; even though the pianists in the seminar really railroaded the questions and there was not room to talk about how to play the keyboard (which was the name of the workshop) what I did hear confirmed what I was already doing, filling me with great confidence. To finish the day off I was privileged to be led into worship by Hillsong United, which was really really really good. *grins broadly*
There was a really good reason for me writing this…escapes me now….oh yes; something growing. While I was at this conference I was really challenged with what I believed was Gods direction for my life, not just the here and the now stuff, but the long term stuff; the ‘purpose’ driver. Up until quite recently I thought that this thing had a lot to do with music and to and extent I think that is definitely true; but I am beginning to think that it may only be a part of what God has planned for me.
A little more on what that plan might be
I’ve been thinking recently a lot about evangelism and how we do it, how we are supposed to do it, and how I am meant to do it. Evangelism for me is something that we are all called to do, in whatever sect of society that we are placed in (according to our talents). What really gets me excited at the moment is the idea of how we can best use the tradition of Easter and Christmas to actually speak truth to those in our community who would otherwise never get to hear it. I think for too long we have shied away from big events like these because while they may attract a persons interest for that moment during the event, they do not necessarily mean a life long commitment which is what being a Christian is really all about. So my big question of the moment is: how can we show Christ to our community in a way that both sparks their interest but also sustains it. For me this means a direct linkage between the community at Windsor Park, small groups, etc and the events that draw many into our church at Christmas and Easter.
I am of the current opinion that Christmas is simply the precursor or the preview of the main event that occurred at Easter and yet we do not give equal importance to both during the Christmas season. I often feel that when I see the Christmas message I am left thinking, ok…so what? How many in our community really understand what is so important about a baby being born that was supposedly the son of God? Without the whole story, we are left wondering why all of this happened. Now I’m not saying this to simply criticize or even to say that we do not include this message at Christmas; I am merely questioning the importance we place on Christ’s death at Christmas.
The next question I ask myself is why do people come to Church at Christmas? I certainly cannot speak for those that are not Christians but I believe that, in general, people will come to church for Christmas because of its nostalgic effect, it reminds them of Christmas’ when they were a child. What I would love to see happen at Christmas is that people would come into the house of God to experience a nostalgic carol service and leave touched by Christ in a way that they can no longer deny the legitimacy of God, and the truth that we are so desperate to share with them. In my childlike youth, with its lack of discernment or wisdom I could not possibly share how this idea is done but I pray that there are those in our community at Windsor Park that do have that passion and drive to see such an opportunity as Christmas presents to share Christ’s love to our mission field.
In saying that, what I envisage for a Christmas event is a service that takes people on a journey, emotionally and spiritually. This journey must include the life story of Christ from his birth and more crucially to his death and resurrection. What surrounds the main service must express the community that Christ has fostered at Windsor Park, if people hear about this Christ that has touched the lives of so many, they are going to want to see who these ‘so many’ are; that they are real people like you and me. I think it is important to use the different media that we have; there is no use writing a play when we do not have a group of talented actors who work on this thing all the time. It is much better for us to play to our strengths, to show what is real in our community; the creative arts: music, art and video etc. I have heard many people talk about the ‘wow’ factor in revelations they have received from Christ and in the same way, I want to see people walk through the doors of our church and have the ‘wow’ factor hit them like a speeding train. We could say that all of this seems so much when as Christians we really don’t need all of this but we are on a mission field, our missionaries must be equipped with the tools they need in the society they are in. If we are not meeting our community where their expectations lie then we cannot hope to grab their attention, even for a moment. I think that is part of what makes our mission field so difficult, it asks so much of us.
I am constantly amazed at the way in which God works; at times frustratingly slow, yet sometimes so fast I don’t even realize what is happening. I guess its that feeling that you are traveling on a bullet train somewhere, but you don’t know what the destination is, or how far you still have to travel. All I can see is that something is growing all the time; I really wish I knew what it was!
I recently attended a worship music conference in Auckland simply named, noise; quite an apt name really, I often think our worship crosses that line between praise and noise, not that it is necessarily a bad thing. I am sure that when the Israelites were marching around the walls of Jericho that there was a great ‘noise’ in worship to God. Regardless of what the name given to the conference implies, I found much of the workshops and seminars quite useful, if not, then at least entertaining or inspiring. Hillsong United’s seminar on fostering youth worship reminded me that worship is not just about the music, in fact, music is not just about the music; without people, music has absolutely no purpose. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1) Worship is all about the people, because God is all about the people.
I was able to hear, for the first time, Brooke Fraser talk about Jesus. Nothing really original to me, but it definitely gave me insight into Brooke’s heart which filled the ‘inspiring’ part of the day. Jeff Crabtree is a absolute legend; even though the pianists in the seminar really railroaded the questions and there was not room to talk about how to play the keyboard (which was the name of the workshop) what I did hear confirmed what I was already doing, filling me with great confidence. To finish the day off I was privileged to be led into worship by Hillsong United, which was really really really good. *grins broadly*
There was a really good reason for me writing this…escapes me now….oh yes; something growing. While I was at this conference I was really challenged with what I believed was Gods direction for my life, not just the here and the now stuff, but the long term stuff; the ‘purpose’ driver. Up until quite recently I thought that this thing had a lot to do with music and to and extent I think that is definitely true; but I am beginning to think that it may only be a part of what God has planned for me.
A little more on what that plan might be
I’ve been thinking recently a lot about evangelism and how we do it, how we are supposed to do it, and how I am meant to do it. Evangelism for me is something that we are all called to do, in whatever sect of society that we are placed in (according to our talents). What really gets me excited at the moment is the idea of how we can best use the tradition of Easter and Christmas to actually speak truth to those in our community who would otherwise never get to hear it. I think for too long we have shied away from big events like these because while they may attract a persons interest for that moment during the event, they do not necessarily mean a life long commitment which is what being a Christian is really all about. So my big question of the moment is: how can we show Christ to our community in a way that both sparks their interest but also sustains it. For me this means a direct linkage between the community at Windsor Park, small groups, etc and the events that draw many into our church at Christmas and Easter.
I am of the current opinion that Christmas is simply the precursor or the preview of the main event that occurred at Easter and yet we do not give equal importance to both during the Christmas season. I often feel that when I see the Christmas message I am left thinking, ok…so what? How many in our community really understand what is so important about a baby being born that was supposedly the son of God? Without the whole story, we are left wondering why all of this happened. Now I’m not saying this to simply criticize or even to say that we do not include this message at Christmas; I am merely questioning the importance we place on Christ’s death at Christmas.
The next question I ask myself is why do people come to Church at Christmas? I certainly cannot speak for those that are not Christians but I believe that, in general, people will come to church for Christmas because of its nostalgic effect, it reminds them of Christmas’ when they were a child. What I would love to see happen at Christmas is that people would come into the house of God to experience a nostalgic carol service and leave touched by Christ in a way that they can no longer deny the legitimacy of God, and the truth that we are so desperate to share with them. In my childlike youth, with its lack of discernment or wisdom I could not possibly share how this idea is done but I pray that there are those in our community at Windsor Park that do have that passion and drive to see such an opportunity as Christmas presents to share Christ’s love to our mission field.
In saying that, what I envisage for a Christmas event is a service that takes people on a journey, emotionally and spiritually. This journey must include the life story of Christ from his birth and more crucially to his death and resurrection. What surrounds the main service must express the community that Christ has fostered at Windsor Park, if people hear about this Christ that has touched the lives of so many, they are going to want to see who these ‘so many’ are; that they are real people like you and me. I think it is important to use the different media that we have; there is no use writing a play when we do not have a group of talented actors who work on this thing all the time. It is much better for us to play to our strengths, to show what is real in our community; the creative arts: music, art and video etc. I have heard many people talk about the ‘wow’ factor in revelations they have received from Christ and in the same way, I want to see people walk through the doors of our church and have the ‘wow’ factor hit them like a speeding train. We could say that all of this seems so much when as Christians we really don’t need all of this but we are on a mission field, our missionaries must be equipped with the tools they need in the society they are in. If we are not meeting our community where their expectations lie then we cannot hope to grab their attention, even for a moment. I think that is part of what makes our mission field so difficult, it asks so much of us.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
What real friends are made of.
anyone have any ideas?
I've wonder about this for a while. So some quite cool developments on what is probably going to be a life long search for the definition.
It would seem that yet again God has a supremely great direction for my life that includes using me in the best way to help other people. Really quick overview; friend feels crap about themselves, Jono reminds person of Gods grace, friend radically different. The greatest thing I feel about this is that I truly had nothing to do with anything that has happened. I think lots of people would like to take credit for help that they think they have given to help a friend in need, I can't; I have simply been used by God to get to the heart of someone else. Some may think that is horrible that God was 'using' me to get to some other person but I can't think of a better way for it to happen; if my creator is directing my actions, then surely I can only make the right choices, say the right words, write the right messages. I guess the hardest thing is letting God direct us all the time; that is the challenge.
So I'm currently thinking that being a real friend...has a lot to do be being like Jesus, being open to Gods direction and being humble enough that in the end you realise all you are is a tool; a very happy and loved tool, but a tool nonetheless.
I've wonder about this for a while. So some quite cool developments on what is probably going to be a life long search for the definition.
It would seem that yet again God has a supremely great direction for my life that includes using me in the best way to help other people. Really quick overview; friend feels crap about themselves, Jono reminds person of Gods grace, friend radically different. The greatest thing I feel about this is that I truly had nothing to do with anything that has happened. I think lots of people would like to take credit for help that they think they have given to help a friend in need, I can't; I have simply been used by God to get to the heart of someone else. Some may think that is horrible that God was 'using' me to get to some other person but I can't think of a better way for it to happen; if my creator is directing my actions, then surely I can only make the right choices, say the right words, write the right messages. I guess the hardest thing is letting God direct us all the time; that is the challenge.
So I'm currently thinking that being a real friend...has a lot to do be being like Jesus, being open to Gods direction and being humble enough that in the end you realise all you are is a tool; a very happy and loved tool, but a tool nonetheless.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
I’m grieving over here
Well, I’m in a bit of a grieving process at the moment. It seems that quite a few things around me have changed; circumstances are different, people are leaving and close friends have fallen by the wayside. I guess amongst it all I am really beginning to find out what it is that makes me worried, stressed and depressed. I am finding out the things that I fear the most and how little control I have over those things I fear.
I used to be worried about what others thought of me; the way I was perceived by those around me was a huge driving factor of my life. I wanted to appear as though I was perfect, but in doing so learned that being perfect has its downfalls. I’m not trying to say that I am by any stretch of the imagination perfect but it would seem that human nature drives people to find a way of making apparent perfection into something else. I have also experienced how very destructive gossip is…
I am a bit of a clingy person when it comes to relationships with friends. It is a very devastating day when you realize that the friendship you believe you had so strongly was not really like that; a false sense of a relationship. I really dislike that the business of our lives from Sunday to Saturday stops us from remembering what is important in life, or more importantly, who is important in life. So I am grieving the loss of a close friendship that has come about simply from the realization that the intimacy of the relationship was simply fabricated in my own mind. This might take a long time to recover from but I know that with prayer and patience that God will heal even the deepest of wounds. I am also grieving for a new friend lost; someone that I was feeling I could relate to more and more over recent months, but is now leaving for many years.
My life to date has appeared to go from one obsession to the next; constantly looking for that one person who I can relate to on every level of my life. Whenever I believe that I have found that person I end up finding some way that it could never work: different interest, different continents or simply no time in the same proximity. The more I think about it, the more I realize that there could not possibly be one single human in my life that fulfills every partnership that my soul longs for; I have come to the conclusion that Jesus is the only person that could truly do that.
Looking back at my past blogs I see that I have already come to this conclusion many many times…GRRR I am such an imbecile. How many times God? How many times?
I used to be worried about what others thought of me; the way I was perceived by those around me was a huge driving factor of my life. I wanted to appear as though I was perfect, but in doing so learned that being perfect has its downfalls. I’m not trying to say that I am by any stretch of the imagination perfect but it would seem that human nature drives people to find a way of making apparent perfection into something else. I have also experienced how very destructive gossip is…
I am a bit of a clingy person when it comes to relationships with friends. It is a very devastating day when you realize that the friendship you believe you had so strongly was not really like that; a false sense of a relationship. I really dislike that the business of our lives from Sunday to Saturday stops us from remembering what is important in life, or more importantly, who is important in life. So I am grieving the loss of a close friendship that has come about simply from the realization that the intimacy of the relationship was simply fabricated in my own mind. This might take a long time to recover from but I know that with prayer and patience that God will heal even the deepest of wounds. I am also grieving for a new friend lost; someone that I was feeling I could relate to more and more over recent months, but is now leaving for many years.
My life to date has appeared to go from one obsession to the next; constantly looking for that one person who I can relate to on every level of my life. Whenever I believe that I have found that person I end up finding some way that it could never work: different interest, different continents or simply no time in the same proximity. The more I think about it, the more I realize that there could not possibly be one single human in my life that fulfills every partnership that my soul longs for; I have come to the conclusion that Jesus is the only person that could truly do that.
Looking back at my past blogs I see that I have already come to this conclusion many many times…GRRR I am such an imbecile. How many times God? How many times?
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Rushing Winds
Rushing winds blow through this temple
Cleanse this heart and make me whole
By Your grace I come to You today
I was lost yet you call my name
Lead me on past the outer gates
To Your heart embraced in You I rest
Rushing winds pick me up today
Send me high, soar through outer space
Like a star shining for Your name
Rushing winds blow through this temple
Cleanse this heart and make me whole
By Your grace I come to You today
Cleanse this heart and make me whole
By Your grace I come to You today
I was lost yet you call my name
Lead me on past the outer gates
To Your heart embraced in You I rest
Rushing winds pick me up today
Send me high, soar through outer space
Like a star shining for Your name
Rushing winds blow through this temple
Cleanse this heart and make me whole
By Your grace I come to You today
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
What to do...what to do
Dunedin, Alexandra, Queenstown, Invercargill. Four very different places. Four very cool destinations (well, maybe three)
The Youth Choir Tour was freakin awesome, although the shock to the body of going from 27 degrees in Auckland to 13 in Dunedin was not particuarliy welcomed. We did a lot of really good work and I was able to fix a friendship that had been on rocky waters the previous trip...
So I come home to find that my wonderful homegroup, who I love very much, has decided to change the day of our meeting to a Monday night without even talking to me...I have realised in subsequent days that this sounds really quite pompous but I think I have to say it to explain why I feel the way I feel. Monday nights don't work for me, its a night that I have dedicated for 5 years to Worship. not something that I can change. It then changed to a Tuesday night...the only night that I will invariably not be able to go...I love them all so much
So how I am feeling at the moment is rejected. I feel as though my friends are dead to me. I know that the problem lies within and that my ill feeling toward them is only about something I'm not happy about within me. For several years now I have felt as though all the depressing emotions that i feel about myself and life in general we connected with guilt over some habitual sins. I recently released that burden and yet still find myself feeling exactly the same way. Actually it is worse. Before I felt as though I knew why I felt this way, now I don't know at all. I have never really been scared about much, but now I am. I am scared that something inside me doesn't feel right and I don't know what it is.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:6
This is all that keeps me going at the present.
The Youth Choir Tour was freakin awesome, although the shock to the body of going from 27 degrees in Auckland to 13 in Dunedin was not particuarliy welcomed. We did a lot of really good work and I was able to fix a friendship that had been on rocky waters the previous trip...
So I come home to find that my wonderful homegroup, who I love very much, has decided to change the day of our meeting to a Monday night without even talking to me...I have realised in subsequent days that this sounds really quite pompous but I think I have to say it to explain why I feel the way I feel. Monday nights don't work for me, its a night that I have dedicated for 5 years to Worship. not something that I can change. It then changed to a Tuesday night...the only night that I will invariably not be able to go...I love them all so much
So how I am feeling at the moment is rejected. I feel as though my friends are dead to me. I know that the problem lies within and that my ill feeling toward them is only about something I'm not happy about within me. For several years now I have felt as though all the depressing emotions that i feel about myself and life in general we connected with guilt over some habitual sins. I recently released that burden and yet still find myself feeling exactly the same way. Actually it is worse. Before I felt as though I knew why I felt this way, now I don't know at all. I have never really been scared about much, but now I am. I am scared that something inside me doesn't feel right and I don't know what it is.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:6
This is all that keeps me going at the present.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
The slow and drawn out end to the holidays
So, most of my friends have gone off to Kai Iwi Lakes. The most modern and hospitible place in the north island (sorry for the sarcasm I was brought up to tent with electricity)
Which leaves me to occupy myself for a few days until i fly to dunedin tomorrow. Yippee. New Zealand Youth Choir tour here I come. 10 days of hard work singing for 8 hours+ a day. Its my life and i'm so looking forward to it.
My mother brought home some juggling balls and decided that we should all learn to juggle...hilarity ensued...we are not the most coordinated of families but I've managed to get three working together somewhat haphazardly but at least they are working.
I have got myself into a somewhat unusual sleeping habit. Out of bed at 12.30pm and then back into bed a 3am. Thats what parachute will do to you i guess. I must try and change back to something regular before I need to be singing at 9am, not very easy when you are tired.
Which leaves me to occupy myself for a few days until i fly to dunedin tomorrow. Yippee. New Zealand Youth Choir tour here I come. 10 days of hard work singing for 8 hours+ a day. Its my life and i'm so looking forward to it.
My mother brought home some juggling balls and decided that we should all learn to juggle...hilarity ensued...we are not the most coordinated of families but I've managed to get three working together somewhat haphazardly but at least they are working.
I have got myself into a somewhat unusual sleeping habit. Out of bed at 12.30pm and then back into bed a 3am. Thats what parachute will do to you i guess. I must try and change back to something regular before I need to be singing at 9am, not very easy when you are tired.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Parachute ‘06
Well, Parachute is over and I have to say it was unquestionably fantastic. There are many highlights to a music festival but for some peculiar reason the ‘music’ was not necessarily ‘the’ highlight that you would normally expect…Yet again, the power of astonishing people had to be the most valuable part of the weekend.
I am someone who would define himself as being typically a natural recluse. I’m the kind of guy who seems to instinctively shrink into himself, a natural born loner. However, through some divinely inspired machination of God’s will, over the weekend I was constantly finding myself in the presence of radically cool people.
Although at a festival of something around twenty-five thousand one would expect to find a sample of all kinds of cool new people, I was amazed that these radically cool people, that I couldn’t seem to ever lose, were all people that I already knew. Even when I was able to ‘get away’ from one of them, no sooner had I parted ways than I felt a hand on my shoulder or a bottle land on my head, or some arms link around my stomach and squeeze me tightly. There was someone to jump around and dance with at mumsdollar and reuben morgan, someone to discuss theological stuff with around the tent, someone to sit back and groove to some jazz with and someone to just simply watch, listen and make me smile. There was a little bit of everything that I needed.
Finally having some time to sit in that alone space I found myself curiously not so alone. I am always looking for where God is directing me and I have found that wherever I find him has tended to be where he wants me. I found him today, not in any one person or anything or any place, but in everyone… James, Chris, Casey, Jono, Jacob, Rosanna, Rachel, Alex, Alana, Darren, Jared, Mark, Strahan, Emma, Graham, Catherine, Jo, Tash, Cairin, Greg, Carmel, Leah, and Claire…just to name a few
They reminded me that God is with me always and forever. How can I ever be alone, if God resides in my heart?
My top Parachute Bands for 2006:
Delirious are amazing. And Reuben Morgan rocks my world.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Today...
I kneel at the cross
My body is broken
The Saviour is there
No word to be spoken
Freedom is mine
Grace freely given
I soar with my Saviour
Redeemed and forgiven.
My body is broken
The Saviour is there
No word to be spoken
Freedom is mine
Grace freely given
I soar with my Saviour
Redeemed and forgiven.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Messy Desk
I’ve recently been trying to process some of the thoughts that have been piling on the small desk that makes up my mind. It is just like my messy desk, with its cluttered drawers and piles of paper and books meters high. I used to know where everything was in my desk, but there is just too much for me to handle on my own.
I have forgotten what most of it is all about but the thoughts on the top of my desk are all well known to me...thoughts that haunt my dreams, fuel my desires and plague me with guilt.
The problem with these thoughts is that they are blocking the valuable ideas buried beneath them. Ideas the God has inspired in me to help others come to know him better, ideas that will help me know him better. If only there was some way to put those thoughts into a box, and lock them away…
Your statutes are wonderful;
therefore I obey them.
The unfolding of your words gives light;
it gives understanding to the simple.
longing for your commands.
Turn to me and have mercy on me,
as you always do to those who love your name.
Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule over me.
Redeem me from the oppression of men,
that I may obey your precepts.
Make your face shine upon your servant
and teach me your decrees.
Streams of tears flow from my eyes,
for your law is not obeyed.
Psalms 119: 129-136
I have forgotten what most of it is all about but the thoughts on the top of my desk are all well known to me...thoughts that haunt my dreams, fuel my desires and plague me with guilt.
The problem with these thoughts is that they are blocking the valuable ideas buried beneath them. Ideas the God has inspired in me to help others come to know him better, ideas that will help me know him better. If only there was some way to put those thoughts into a box, and lock them away…
Your statutes are wonderful;
therefore I obey them.
The unfolding of your words gives light;
it gives understanding to the simple.
longing for your commands.
Turn to me and have mercy on me,
as you always do to those who love your name.
Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule over me.
Redeem me from the oppression of men,
that I may obey your precepts.
Make your face shine upon your servant
and teach me your decrees.
Streams of tears flow from my eyes,
for your law is not obeyed.
Psalms 119: 129-136
Monday, January 16, 2006
5 months later and oh so much the wiser...pfffff
I certainly have found re-reading over earlier blogs of the first year of my university life quite an interesting revelation into who I am and what I have become over the year. For the simple reasoning of self-discovery I have decided that it is important for me to continue recording my thoughts as I develop in my relationship with others and with God.
I assume by now that even the most avid visitor to my little journal will now have been detered by 5 months of silence, but I guess that means I am a little closer to where I started and can allow people to discover it in time.
From now onwards, the primary purpose of this journal is not for you, the reader, but more intently for me, the writer. As I have already stated, this will be my physical outlet of thought so that I can more readily process ideas and come to more substantial outcomes. However I certainly do hope that others may find something in it that may inspire them to think about and idea or ideal that is relevant to them. I know there are many more wise and intelligent thinkers out there who may also be able to contribute to my thought processes and I welcome you to do so.
I assume by now that even the most avid visitor to my little journal will now have been detered by 5 months of silence, but I guess that means I am a little closer to where I started and can allow people to discover it in time.
From now onwards, the primary purpose of this journal is not for you, the reader, but more intently for me, the writer. As I have already stated, this will be my physical outlet of thought so that I can more readily process ideas and come to more substantial outcomes. However I certainly do hope that others may find something in it that may inspire them to think about and idea or ideal that is relevant to them. I know there are many more wise and intelligent thinkers out there who may also be able to contribute to my thought processes and I welcome you to do so.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I have too many lives
I know so many of my friends at university that complain about the boring life they lead going to university, then to work, then to sleep and so on. I've often wondered why people do stick to a limited number of people and places and I think it is begining to dawn on me why.
In a way which is by no intentions arrogant, I know lots of people. Theres the people at the music department where I study, and in the Youth Choir, University singers, my maths buddies, home group, worship team, youth band, college mates, those overseas, my church mates, the people I teach/tutor, the children of my parents friends, old school friends, even older school friends. The problem that I have is that I know nearly all of these people on a similar level.
This has made me the most dry and boring 18 year old prune who can't have a d&m about his own personal life because he cannot develop a friendship that is close enough to share it with them. Even when people have said that they are there for me I can't believe why they should be. I can't spend time with one person without feeling as though I am neglecting someonelse. But in my attempt to stop neglecting someone, I myself am left feeling neglected because I don't put enough time into someone for them to care.
Hmm well that was some interesting self analysis. Sorry to bore you with raw emotion. I am attempting to put in onto paper (so to speak) so that I can figure out what the heck is going on with me. This may not be the best medium but maybe you can suggest something that will either help me or greatly entertain me.
I've got myself into this hole of self-depression about a life that by all reason should be fantastic, exciting and fulfilling and yet does not feel so. I feel as though I am following Gods direction for my life and yet that is not fulfilling...Lol how apt, Broken by Seether has just started playing on my ipod...
In a way which is by no intentions arrogant, I know lots of people. Theres the people at the music department where I study, and in the Youth Choir, University singers, my maths buddies, home group, worship team, youth band, college mates, those overseas, my church mates, the people I teach/tutor, the children of my parents friends, old school friends, even older school friends. The problem that I have is that I know nearly all of these people on a similar level.
This has made me the most dry and boring 18 year old prune who can't have a d&m about his own personal life because he cannot develop a friendship that is close enough to share it with them. Even when people have said that they are there for me I can't believe why they should be. I can't spend time with one person without feeling as though I am neglecting someonelse. But in my attempt to stop neglecting someone, I myself am left feeling neglected because I don't put enough time into someone for them to care.
Hmm well that was some interesting self analysis. Sorry to bore you with raw emotion. I am attempting to put in onto paper (so to speak) so that I can figure out what the heck is going on with me. This may not be the best medium but maybe you can suggest something that will either help me or greatly entertain me.
I've got myself into this hole of self-depression about a life that by all reason should be fantastic, exciting and fulfilling and yet does not feel so. I feel as though I am following Gods direction for my life and yet that is not fulfilling...Lol how apt, Broken by Seether has just started playing on my ipod...
"Im broken, Im lonesome, I dont feel right...."
The problem I have is finding who can help me, from all those I know and love. Who I should put more time into...
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Which natural phenomenon amazes you the most?
When I was a kid and watched Captain Planet I always wanted the power of wind - maybe it was because the girl with the wind power was a particularly hot Russian chick but I think it has more to do with the nature of the wind. The wind is kickass powerful. In the midst of it there is chaos and in its absence, there is serenity.
Which brings me to my story. I was sitting at a table looking at a piece of music that I am performing. It is a piece called Nebbie by Ottorino Respighi. I asked myself a question, "What do I see?" I then began to list all the things that I saw when I looked at the page. It had the name of the piece written at the top, many notes, lots of bars of linecrescendodos, forte markings, Italian lyrics, the composers name etc the list was comprehensive.
I had recently read a biography on the life of Ottorino Resphighi and in that it explained some other things about the piece that I did not first see with my eyes. It was then that I saw more in the piece; torment, pain, tension. What I was seeing was a new realisation about what music is the reflection of its composer, its creator. Without the composer the piece would not exist, I would not be thinking about it and I would know nothing about Ottorino Resphighi.
This brings me back to the wind. I walked down Symonds Street with the wind blowing ferociously and I asked myself a question; "What do I see?"
When you look at the natural phenomenon that amazes you the most, what do you see?
Sunday, July 31, 2005
d-camp
Another camp over I and yet again got a huge amount out of it.
The youth band were so awesome. Its really cool to see a group of people that you have worked with worshiping God with all there heart and their music. Very encouraging.
On a more personal note an very significant revelation came to me while I was away. During the saturday night meeting we were led through an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Word. Not that this was anything new to me but because I was creating some atmospheric music with the keys I didn't really get an opportunity to join in the experience.
Earlier on in the afternoon everyone who I was with suddenly disappeared and so I took the opportunity to do some meditation. Over the past year and a bit I have been really struggling to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit work in me. For most of my life it has been a source of encouragement and support when I have needed it. All through my childhood years, Jesus was my best friend who was always by my side.
While Jesus is still my best friend, the overwhelming sense of him being close by my side has gone. Ever since I first felt the absence of the holy spirit, I have believed that there was something blocking me from God, some sin in my life that has held me back. While meditating in my cabin I yet again felt that sense of aloneness and separation from Jesus. Through much pain and many tears I begged God for the answer to why he has left me.
Then during the dinner I had a conversation with Heather which led into a discussion of different stages on the walk with Christ. She talked about the childhood stage where you simply accept everything to the adolescent stage when you begin to question those things that you knew to be true. She also talked about a stage that some people go through when the spirit leaves them completely. I was quite excited to find that Jesus is simply expecting me to trust in him. I don't need to feel the spirit within me all the time. If we ask to be filled by the spirit then we will be, regardless of whether we feel it or not. We need to do more than ask for God to fill us with the spirit, we need to be expectant that when we ask, we will be.
Even now that I know where Jesus is for me, I still do not know how long he expects me to wait for him. All I know is that he has a plan for me, even if it is ten years before I know what that is, I will be wait, trusting in Him alone.
The youth band were so awesome. Its really cool to see a group of people that you have worked with worshiping God with all there heart and their music. Very encouraging.
On a more personal note an very significant revelation came to me while I was away. During the saturday night meeting we were led through an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Word. Not that this was anything new to me but because I was creating some atmospheric music with the keys I didn't really get an opportunity to join in the experience.
Earlier on in the afternoon everyone who I was with suddenly disappeared and so I took the opportunity to do some meditation. Over the past year and a bit I have been really struggling to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit work in me. For most of my life it has been a source of encouragement and support when I have needed it. All through my childhood years, Jesus was my best friend who was always by my side.
While Jesus is still my best friend, the overwhelming sense of him being close by my side has gone. Ever since I first felt the absence of the holy spirit, I have believed that there was something blocking me from God, some sin in my life that has held me back. While meditating in my cabin I yet again felt that sense of aloneness and separation from Jesus. Through much pain and many tears I begged God for the answer to why he has left me.
Then during the dinner I had a conversation with Heather which led into a discussion of different stages on the walk with Christ. She talked about the childhood stage where you simply accept everything to the adolescent stage when you begin to question those things that you knew to be true. She also talked about a stage that some people go through when the spirit leaves them completely. I was quite excited to find that Jesus is simply expecting me to trust in him. I don't need to feel the spirit within me all the time. If we ask to be filled by the spirit then we will be, regardless of whether we feel it or not. We need to do more than ask for God to fill us with the spirit, we need to be expectant that when we ask, we will be.
Even now that I know where Jesus is for me, I still do not know how long he expects me to wait for him. All I know is that he has a plan for me, even if it is ten years before I know what that is, I will be wait, trusting in Him alone.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
My best friend
I've been trying to think of the best way for me to express myself on this blog and it has only just dawned on me that probbably the most insightful look on where I am in life and in my walk with God is through my music. So here is a song that I wrote to my best friend:
Broken I come here before you
Lay my life down at your feet
Weary of life and its burdens
Jesus, you're all that I need
So I lift my hands to you Lord
Open my heart to your ways
I stand in awe of your love and power
Fill me, Lord God, with your grace
Empty I stand at Your cross Lord
Left you up there far too long
My heart Lord you alone conquered
My best friend, my saviour, risen one
So I lift my hands to you Lord
Open my heart to your ways
I stand in awe of your love and power
Fill me, Lord God, with your grace
Em Em/D C
Em G D D/F#
G D/F# Em Em/D
C D G
C D G
Em Em/D C
D D/F# G Em
C D G
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Introducing for the one and only time, Miss Penny Hinkler
This was a recent post sent to me by a good mate of mine expressing some encouraging points about a certain commentor that may have caused offense on my blog. I do warn you that if you do comment on his blog you may also get caught up in the imbecile alert panel (IAP) But this post is here as a warning to all, ignoring is the best solution. I also would like to warn that some of the posts on the site are highly highly offensive and not a place to go in a public place if you get what i mean...
And the greatest imbecile of the year award goes to…
Not many things in this world get me really angry.
Much less in the blogosphere. I don't think I've found a site that's made me angry. Sure, I've found heaps of stuff that bores me to breaking, and a fair bit of pathetic subject matter. That's everywhere.
Today was the first time I got angry over a blog.
And because I wanna do the right thing for my friends, and not just sit back and watch people who don't even know them, mock their looks, blogs and lives, taking action seemed like a good idea. Also, if I kept at it, someone may make a movie about me one day.
If you haven't been introduced to her already, may I warmly introduce to you Miss Penny Hinkler, and her site, aimed to seek out blog imbeciles and post her mind about them. Now, ok - we see stuff like this all the time on the net.
But check out this.
Yeah she's targeted two people I love ever so muchly (who might I add have taken it very well).
I laughed when I read her site for the first time. She has a point with a lot of blogs she talks about. She knows what's bad writing.
What I don't understand, is the fact that she can notice bad bloging so easily in others blogs, but totally miss it in her own.
Surely, Hinkler in her blogging superiority would have realised by now how mundane it is to read blog disses over and over again. No wonder it's only her and her strange friends contributing and enjoying this peculiar fetish.
Now, no doubt I will receive a backlash for writing this - but this isn't revenge. I think I'll call it... righteous retribution. This is a plead to Hinkler and co to stop doing this. I mean, I'll even ask nicely:
Please?
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