I have too many lives

I know so many of my friends at university that complain about the boring life they lead going to university, then to work, then to sleep and so on. I've often wondered why people do stick to a limited number of people and places and I think it is begining to dawn on me why.

In a way which is by no intentions arrogant, I know lots of people. Theres the people at the music department where I study, and in the Youth Choir, University singers, my maths buddies, home group, worship team, youth band, college mates, those overseas, my church mates, the people I teach/tutor, the children of my parents friends, old school friends, even older school friends. The problem that I have is that I know nearly all of these people on a similar level.

This has made me the most dry and boring 18 year old prune who can't have a d&m about his own personal life because he cannot develop a friendship that is close enough to share it with them. Even when people have said that they are there for me I can't believe why they should be. I can't spend time with one person without feeling as though I am neglecting someonelse. But in my attempt to stop neglecting someone, I myself am left feeling neglected because I don't put enough time into someone for them to care.

Hmm well that was some interesting self analysis. Sorry to bore you with raw emotion. I am attempting to put in onto paper (so to speak) so that I can figure out what the heck is going on with me. This may not be the best medium but maybe you can suggest something that will either help me or greatly entertain me.

I've got myself into this hole of self-depression about a life that by all reason should be fantastic, exciting and fulfilling and yet does not feel so. I feel as though I am following Gods direction for my life and yet that is not fulfilling...Lol how apt, Broken by Seether has just started playing on my ipod...

"Im broken, Im lonesome, I dont feel right...."

The problem I have is finding who can help me, from all those I know and love. Who I should put more time into...

Which natural phenomenon amazes you the most?

When I was a kid and watched Captain Planet I always wanted the power of wind - maybe it was because the girl with the wind power was a particularly hot Russian chick but I think it has more to do with the nature of the wind. The wind is kickass powerful. In the midst of it there is chaos and in its absence, there is serenity.

Which brings me to my story. I was sitting at a table looking at a piece of music that I am performing. It is a piece called Nebbie by Ottorino Respighi. I asked myself a question, "What do I see?" I then began to list all the things that I saw when I looked at the page. It had the name of the piece written at the top, many notes, lots of bars of linecrescendodos, forte markings, Italian lyrics, the composers name etc the list was comprehensive.

I had recently read a biography on the life of Ottorino Resphighi and in that it explained some other things about the piece that I did not first see with my eyes. It was then that I saw more in the piece; torment, pain, tension. What I was seeing was a new realisation about what music is the reflection of its composer, its creator. Without the composer the piece would not exist, I would not be thinking about it and I would know nothing about Ottorino Resphighi.

This brings me back to the wind. I walked down Symonds Street with the wind blowing ferociously and I asked myself a question; "What do I see?"
When you look at the natural phenomenon that amazes you the most, what do you see?