In a way which is by no intentions arrogant, I know lots of people. Theres the people at the music department where I study, and in the Youth Choir, University singers, my maths buddies, home group, worship team, youth band, college mates, those overseas, my church mates, the people I teach/tutor, the children of my parents friends, old school friends, even older school friends. The problem that I have is that I know nearly all of these people on a similar level.
This has made me the most dry and boring 18 year old prune who can't have a d&m about his own personal life because he cannot develop a friendship that is close enough to share it with them. Even when people have said that they are there for me I can't believe why they should be. I can't spend time with one person without feeling as though I am neglecting someonelse. But in my attempt to stop neglecting someone, I myself am left feeling neglected because I don't put enough time into someone for them to care.
Hmm well that was some interesting self analysis. Sorry to bore you with raw emotion. I am attempting to put in onto paper (so to speak) so that I can figure out what the heck is going on with me. This may not be the best medium but maybe you can suggest something that will either help me or greatly entertain me.
I've got myself into this hole of self-depression about a life that by all reason should be fantastic, exciting and fulfilling and yet does not feel so. I feel as though I am following Gods direction for my life and yet that is not fulfilling...Lol how apt, Broken by Seether has just started playing on my ipod...
"Im broken, Im lonesome, I dont feel right...."
The problem I have is finding who can help me, from all those I know and love. Who I should put more time into...
2 comments:
thanks rob, sometimes the easiest answer is the hardest one to find.
Jono you say you are following gods direction! MAybe you're not, have you thought that God might have a much bigger plan now than before and you are still following the one from a year back. God's plan might be one thing one day, learn from it then do another thing another day. You have to think if you feel so isolated and lonely, are you really doing what god wants you to do? Because i can vouch for this feeling for about 7 years... i did not follow his plan, i followed what i thought was his plan but... when you find the plan it changes the way we think, feel, act, speak and worship God. Think about it, and like that dude said, pray about it!
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