I have too many lives

I know so many of my friends at university that complain about the boring life they lead going to university, then to work, then to sleep and so on. I've often wondered why people do stick to a limited number of people and places and I think it is begining to dawn on me why.

In a way which is by no intentions arrogant, I know lots of people. Theres the people at the music department where I study, and in the Youth Choir, University singers, my maths buddies, home group, worship team, youth band, college mates, those overseas, my church mates, the people I teach/tutor, the children of my parents friends, old school friends, even older school friends. The problem that I have is that I know nearly all of these people on a similar level.

This has made me the most dry and boring 18 year old prune who can't have a d&m about his own personal life because he cannot develop a friendship that is close enough to share it with them. Even when people have said that they are there for me I can't believe why they should be. I can't spend time with one person without feeling as though I am neglecting someonelse. But in my attempt to stop neglecting someone, I myself am left feeling neglected because I don't put enough time into someone for them to care.

Hmm well that was some interesting self analysis. Sorry to bore you with raw emotion. I am attempting to put in onto paper (so to speak) so that I can figure out what the heck is going on with me. This may not be the best medium but maybe you can suggest something that will either help me or greatly entertain me.

I've got myself into this hole of self-depression about a life that by all reason should be fantastic, exciting and fulfilling and yet does not feel so. I feel as though I am following Gods direction for my life and yet that is not fulfilling...Lol how apt, Broken by Seether has just started playing on my ipod...

"Im broken, Im lonesome, I dont feel right...."

The problem I have is finding who can help me, from all those I know and love. Who I should put more time into...

Which natural phenomenon amazes you the most?

When I was a kid and watched Captain Planet I always wanted the power of wind - maybe it was because the girl with the wind power was a particularly hot Russian chick but I think it has more to do with the nature of the wind. The wind is kickass powerful. In the midst of it there is chaos and in its absence, there is serenity.

Which brings me to my story. I was sitting at a table looking at a piece of music that I am performing. It is a piece called Nebbie by Ottorino Respighi. I asked myself a question, "What do I see?" I then began to list all the things that I saw when I looked at the page. It had the name of the piece written at the top, many notes, lots of bars of linecrescendodos, forte markings, Italian lyrics, the composers name etc the list was comprehensive.

I had recently read a biography on the life of Ottorino Resphighi and in that it explained some other things about the piece that I did not first see with my eyes. It was then that I saw more in the piece; torment, pain, tension. What I was seeing was a new realisation about what music is the reflection of its composer, its creator. Without the composer the piece would not exist, I would not be thinking about it and I would know nothing about Ottorino Resphighi.

This brings me back to the wind. I walked down Symonds Street with the wind blowing ferociously and I asked myself a question; "What do I see?"
When you look at the natural phenomenon that amazes you the most, what do you see?

d-camp

Another camp over I and yet again got a huge amount out of it.

The youth band were so awesome. Its really cool to see a group of people that you have worked with worshiping God with all there heart and their music. Very encouraging.

On a more personal note an very significant revelation came to me while I was away. During the saturday night meeting we were led through an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Word. Not that this was anything new to me but because I was creating some atmospheric music with the keys I didn't really get an opportunity to join in the experience.

Earlier on in the afternoon everyone who I was with suddenly disappeared and so I took the opportunity to do some meditation. Over the past year and a bit I have been really struggling to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit work in me. For most of my life it has been a source of encouragement and support when I have needed it. All through my childhood years, Jesus was my best friend who was always by my side.

While Jesus is still my best friend, the overwhelming sense of him being close by my side has gone. Ever since I first felt the absence of the holy spirit, I have believed that there was something blocking me from God, some sin in my life that has held me back. While meditating in my cabin I yet again felt that sense of aloneness and separation from Jesus. Through much pain and many tears I begged God for the answer to why he has left me.

Then during the dinner I had a conversation with Heather which led into a discussion of different stages on the walk with Christ. She talked about the childhood stage where you simply accept everything to the adolescent stage when you begin to question those things that you knew to be true. She also talked about a stage that some people go through when the spirit leaves them completely. I was quite excited to find that Jesus is simply expecting me to trust in him. I don't need to feel the spirit within me all the time. If we ask to be filled by the spirit then we will be, regardless of whether we feel it or not. We need to do more than ask for God to fill us with the spirit, we need to be expectant that when we ask, we will be.

Even now that I know where Jesus is for me, I still do not know how long he expects me to wait for him. All I know is that he has a plan for me, even if it is ten years before I know what that is, I will be wait, trusting in Him alone.

My best friend

I've been trying to think of the best way for me to express myself on this blog and it has only just dawned on me that probbably the most insightful look on where I am in life and in my walk with God is through my music. So here is a song that I wrote to my best friend:

Broken I come here before you
Lay my life down at your feet
Weary of life and its burdens
Jesus, you're all that I need

So I lift my hands to you Lord
Open my heart to your ways
I stand in awe of your love and power
Fill me, Lord God, with your grace

Empty I stand at Your cross Lord
Left you up there far too long
My heart Lord you alone conquered
My best friend, my saviour, risen one

So I lift my hands to you Lord
Open my heart to your ways
I stand in awe of your love and power
Fill me, Lord God, with your grace

Em Em/D C

Em G D D/F#

G D/F# Em Em/D

C D G

C D G

Em Em/D C

D D/F# G Em

C D G

Introducing for the one and only time, Miss Penny Hinkler

This was a recent post sent to me by a good mate of mine expressing some encouraging points about a certain commentor that may have caused offense on my blog. I do warn you that if you do comment on his blog you may also get caught up in the imbecile alert panel (IAP) But this post is here as a warning to all, ignoring is the best solution. I also would like to warn that some of the posts on the site are highly highly offensive and not a place to go in a public place if you get what i mean...

And the greatest imbecile of the year award goes to…

Not many things in this world get me really angry.

Much less in the blogosphere. I don't think I've found a site that's made me angry. Sure, I've found heaps of stuff that bores me to breaking, and a fair bit of pathetic subject matter. That's everywhere.

Today was the first time I got angry over a blog.

And because I wanna do the right thing for my friends, and not just sit back and watch people who don't even know them, mock their looks, blogs and lives, taking action seemed like a good idea. Also, if I kept at it, someone may make a movie about me one day.

If you haven't been introduced to her already, may I warmly introduce to you Miss Penny Hinkler, and her site, aimed to seek out blog imbeciles and post her mind about them. Now, ok - we see stuff like this all the time on the net.

But check out this.

Yeah she's targeted two people I love ever so muchly (who might I add have taken it very well).

I laughed when I read her site for the first time. She has a point with a lot of blogs she talks about. She knows what's bad writing.

What I don't understand, is the fact that she can notice bad bloging so easily in others blogs, but totally miss it in her own.

Surely, Hinkler in her blogging superiority would have realised by now how mundane it is to read blog disses over and over again. No wonder it's only her and her strange friends contributing and enjoying this peculiar fetish.

Now, no doubt I will receive a backlash for writing this - but this isn't revenge. I think I'll call it... righteous retribution. This is a plead to Hinkler and co to stop doing this. I mean, I'll even ask nicely:

Please?

Music of the moment

Today has been a freaking fantastic day. From its beginnings in my Calculus lecture through rehearsals with Fundamentals to finding a tenor for my chamber choir; it has proven to be one of the best days I have had in Auckland. If that weren’t good enough, while I was round at Jono’s I got to experience some of the most awesome music I have ever heard. The Big Phat Band. Oh my goodness. This is the most tight band music, insane, crazy, wicked. Words do not even come close. And the vocal… you just have to hear it. The director of the group is a musician by the name of George Goodwin. An absolute legend in his own right he has some of the top jazz musicians in the world in this band. The dvd-audio we watched showed them recording live and it was flawless. Absolutely stunning.

Dream Theatre. Then I think I have found a band that tops Muse in my charts. The album is so well thought out. 70-something continuous minutes of pure epicness… And a final track that last 24 minutes and never gets boring. The chordal work is just so mind boggling that when something completely normal is used (like a perfect cadence used all over the place) it sounds really out of place.

On such a high. Will most definitely sleep very little.

Week of the movie

This week really has been the week of the movie. I really don’t think that I have ever had a week where I have watched so many movies, videos or other.

I have to say that the civic theatre is far funkier than I remember it being at Mamma Mia and it has to be the coolest place ever to watch a movie. It is International Film Festival Week in Auckland at the moment and for some reason I was dragged to a James Dean classic Rebel without a cause from the 1960’s. Thoroughly wicked movie, its most explicit scenes included a passionate, though tongue-less…I don’t think I will even deem to call it a kiss – they just kinda pushed their lips together… and special effects included a car driving off a cliff after a chicken run exploding on the rocks. Mighty stuff.

The Fantastic Four. I think I am almost getting a little sick of Marvel comics turned into movies. Some very cool effects – Mr. Fantastic freaked me out a little with his hand going under the door (remind anyone of shutting a door on their hands?) – and it really helped to explain The Incredibles a bit. Unfortunately, these Marvel comics follow such a similar plot with the same kind of ending (anyone else notice a parallel with Spiderman?) that they have become way to predictable. You think they could really come up with something a little more original. Like War of the Worlds…Hmm what can I say, thought aliens were wicked but what kind of ending is “oh yeah they died of the common cold” – so not convinced. But I guess that was H.G. Wells’ fault.

For some reason the maiming of people with axes and knifes seems so much more brutal than the use of a sword or a pistol. The opening scenes in Gangs of New York left sickness in my stomach that set the scene for a pretty good movie on the whole. Although I have to say I was quite disappointed that the ‘spoiling’ of DiCaprio’s face included a small black scar on his otherwise blemish-less cheek. The story of the early beginnings of New York was certainly interesting – quite a nice insight into western society in a day where democracy was preached and yet police had so little power to actually uphold it.

Far too many movies, not really enough work. Oh well. I guess that is the life of a music student.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Well I’ve just finished reading the latest Harry Potter book and have come to some interesting revelations.

There is some kind of magic in the magic of Harry Potter that is so tangible it feels almost real. The incessant desire to find out what happens next, what Malfoy is up to? Is Snape really trustworthy? What piece of the puzzle have I not quite figured out yet? In fact I think it is in the genius of J. K Rowling that has me so compelled.

I am a person who is intrigued by the mystery of Harry Potter. One of those people who like to figure out what is going on in a plot before they are actually told what happens. I think there is some failure in the writing, in that we cannot figure out what is going on before we are told, we can only guess. This is indeed the reason that compels us to keep going. It is J. K Rowling’s genius that to solve the mystery, we must read the entire book, indeed all of them. Each book gives us only a small piece of the puzzles plot and one without the others would make very little sense (except maybe the first) Indeed it is the most drawn out 7-book plot that I have ever read. There is more to J.K Rowling that simply good writing; I feel she is also a very shrewd businesswoman.

The only thing that I can say is that I am irritated by the time I have spent thinking about a book that has done more to annoy me that it is has to entertain me.

just a simple random question

is there anyone who visits this blog (which is a stupid parameter) who goes to Auckland Uni and is doing Maths 150 - i think im going to be all alone... oh well, if there is id love to know about it =)

The Unfortunate Truth of being an adult...

I have finally experienced the horrid side of independence...stuff costs. My mum finally convinced me the other day that after two years of avoiding the dentist I should probably go and see him. To my utter delight he said something about "really heathly teeth"- Woohoo, no stupid fillings for me. But then to my horror, he asked for 100 bucks just to tell me my teeth were heathly - what a rip off. It then dawned on me that mum did not have the slightest intention of paying and I was loaded with a fat bill that I dont really want. I know since then that I am actually got off very light - several people I know have to have lots of dental work and I should be happy with a hundred dollar bill. Still, it seems criminal to charge someone just to look at their teeth and say there was no problem. I think everyone should be dentists - theres a lot of money to be made...

Half a world away, but right at home none the less...

Although it was on the other side of the world, it was no less effective - i was scared.

In contrast to the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the bombings in London seem to have had a distinctly different response. Perhaps it is only my own reaction but there seems to be a greater feeling of sadness and fear. What am I saying.. Of course it is my own individual reaction... It took quite a few hours for it to sink in exactly how many people that I knew who lived in and around London. In fact, I dont think I have ever felt as scared as I was when I started remembering all those I knew there.

It certainly has made me revisit my values in life. Something I think we all should do more often.

If only life were so simple:

hmmmph...holidays

Holidays can be really really crap. I thought after a really stressful *cough* first semester that a holiday where I had nothing planned was going to be exactly what I needed. After the tour with the Youth Choir, I was expecting that doing nothing was going to be quite good.

But oh how tedious and boring nothing can be. My body yearns for intellectual, social, creative stimulation. If only the university semester would begin sooner. Not that a mathmatics paper is particuarily interesting...but it sure would beat sleeping in bed all day, for the 6th day in a row. Why can I find no motivation even to write music, or play music, or read or exercise (..no explaination needed there..) what is there to do by ones self!!!!

Never again will I plan to do nothing for a holiday...

How boring...

It seems that over recent weeks I have fallen into the vicious cycle of the commentor. (as opposed to the blogger)Instead of finding new and original ideas, I have to feed off others good (or bad) blogs. How sad indeed.

really really really annoyed...

My mum always said that when you reach the university age, you spend a lot of time talking about the injustices of the world - sorting out your beliefs independently of your parents.

There have been several really annoying things that have annoyed me recently.

1. Christians who say stuff about Christianity that is not true - its hard enough spreading the good news of our salvation when you have to spend sooo much time apologising for other Christians mistakes.

2. Homosexuality - not being gay itself, but the insanely heavy way that some people treat it. It seems in the past few years (maybe I am only just becomming self-aware) that being gay is new, and is the worst most horrible sin imaginable. The sin is really not homosexuality itself but any kind of sex that is outside marriage. Love of people of the same sex is not sinful! Heck, I know I will get in trouble with saying that but it is currently what I think.

I know there are more because my mind is much more annoyed than that and once I have processed them I will re-post.

this really annoys me...narrow minded Christians

Dear Anonymous,
dumb n. 1/ A person who asks to define dumb 2/ Someone who doesnt have a dictionary 3/ Anyone who is anonymous 4/ see this post for many examples. also 5/ unintelligent, dim, thick, dense, slow, dull, brainless, dimwitted

Does that explain enough? I'll leave some time for you to take it in...

Your friendly polar opposite,
JQ

Ahhhh Sam cracks me up something royal...

No ideas for a post

Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Think of something new.
Try something different.
Hmmmm.

Funny how a different lookout on things can solve a problem easier than you think. Sometimes I think we spend so much time looking for an answer, doing all the hard work that we believe will bring us to the right conclusion, that we don't realise we're asking the wrong question.

If there is something that we have been looking to find an answer for, maybe it is not that the answer doesn't exsist, but that we are going the wrong way about finding it. Food for thought.

...memories...

Went to a choir concert tonight at Rangi. The beautiful sounds of the male section aside, I really enjoyed actually seeing these choirs that I have spent the last four years of my life from a different perspective.

Firstly a run down on the concert. I found it...interesting that the variety of repertoire is yet again repetitive. Every choir did a song that they had done the year before...how frustrating. I did like the fact, however, that the male section in Bernyanyi was huge and half decent. A little disappointed that Fundamentals only did one song...Moon River (not sure if it has got worse...bit hard to tell) They'll be sweet though. I so thoroughly look forward to taking those choirs when I start teaching at Rangi.

Anyhoo, I felt quite sad sitting there listening to Jakes wonderful stories that music was playing backdrop to (thanks Jakes, I really appreciate it...seriously, very funny) Not sad because of the stories, but sad because I miss all those friends that I have left behind, not necessarily the ones I still see every week, but the ones who I didn't know quite so well and haven't seen since last time we sang together. Oh well, I guess thats how life works.

Thinking about not seeing people again, I was reminded that although there are some people I will never see again on earth, I will see them again (some of them at least) in heaven. This reminded me of my Grandad. He died when my dad was only 5 and so dad and I have never really known him. However, I sometimes feel that I do know him quite well. Recently my Grandma has been getting old (...funny that...) and been retelling stories of her life, quite cool stories like on the day that my dad was born, Grandpa drove up and down the street tooting his horn and yelling at the top of his lungs about how happy he was because of my dad (something I have struggled to understand, especially since he is the youngest of 4...I certainly don't see myself being that happy at number four...) Stories like this and characteristics I have seen in my dad and my aunty and uncles that I haven't seen in my Grandma, help me to shape the kind of person he was. If there is one person that I am really excited about meeting in heaven (apart from Jesus, God et al) it would be him. I love my family so much, I dont quite know how i am going to deal with one of them dying...

ok, getting a little too depressing...time for something happy...
...I'm on study leave...woohoo...5 weeks of holiday, 5 weeks of holiday...
alright, maybe only happy for me...

Oooo I went to Jacob's goodbye party on Sunday night and got to see a whole lot of people I haven't seen in ages...Jakes should go away more often...purely from the parté point of view...

Time for some pictures...

Apparently this guy, whose name is Jonathan Palmer, is a famous composer...seriously...try typing your name into Google image search, its amazing what you find.

This guy (also Jonathan Palmer) is like a really famous grand prix driver - sweet as.

Following on with the nostalgia...

Fundies

Les Miserables

Little Shop of Horrors

These have to be some of the most treasured moments of my high school years. (plus fundies 2004 of course!!!)

Well thats enough memories for one night. Peace out....

I want a best friend...

One of the stupidest prayers that I have said all the time for the last 10 years is "I want a best friend...someone I can confide in, to be accountable to, someone who wants to be around me."

Today I felt extremely extremely stupid....While I have spent so much time praying for God to send me a friend, I rejected the one person who has been my closest buddy for as long as I can remember. I'm feeling pretty crap about the way I've treated Him too. By asking for a best friend, I've effectively said that "Jesus, you could never be my best friend, I want someone better" - man that must hurt him - feeling really, really stink. Even worse, when He presented me with someone that could have been a close friend for me to confide in, I didn't even recognise it.

"Sorry Jesus, stuffed up big time...you're the only friend I ever need and all the kind of friend I could ever want. Help me seek you first when I am lonely. Amen."

No more counterpoint lectures!!!!

Woohoo! I have officially finished my last counterpoint lecture. It is a good day. Not even the rain, the hail, the freezing cold wind, the fact that I have lost my umbrella, and that I didnt wear enough clothes could possibly make my day even remotely bad. For those who dont know (which is nearly everyone) counterpoint lectures are the most boring thing that I have to do, and now it is over. I will sit in silence for a while...


Ok long enough... seriously though, I have been thinking more and more about silence recently. There is something quite special in stilling the mind, to stop doing and just be, to listen. Funnily enough, when I stop to listen, God meets with me. I cannot hear him when I am thinking or doing. It is only when I stop and focus everything I am on Him, that I hear His voice.

Thinking on this now, and stopping to listen, the world we live in is not a silent, quiet place. I listen to the rain as it falls on the roof, and the thunder claps which resonate through the valley, the buzz of my computer box and the gentle tap of the keys as I type... How much do we really miss out on by not stopping to listen? Many people may say that they cannot hear the voice of God speaking to them, but have they ever stopped themselves and waited on Him?

Do you ever stop thinking or doing and simply be?

Humble me

God can be very very humbling at times. I experienced one of the most powerful moments with God that I have ever had. While trying to write music last night we found great difficulty. There was something blocking us from doing what we wanted to do. I'm pretty sure it was God. In our excitement of what he is doing in our team and what we see in the future, we lost sight of what we were there for. To write songs of praise to our Heavenly Father, that he may be glorified. I was changed last night. God has been placing in my heart over recent months a heavy burden. When I am with him and he is working through me, the heavy burden is lifted.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

"Father, may you take my life and let it be one with you. Humble me, so that I may do your work, that your kingdom may be built up. Amen."

This will mean something to some people and absolutely nothing to others. I was going through my pictures and was in stiches for a very long time...ah the memories...

I have a car

Yipeee. My parents finally bought a car for me to drive. (yes, I know its not even mine but I don't care) This means I can actually learn so I dont spend the rest of the year being the only person of my year level that can't drive... I think i've held this title for tooo long... I must say I'm quite glad to be rid of it.

Worship team rocks - that is all i want to say. I simply love getting together with the guys in our team and have a rocking good time. Wish you were playing with us sam... Especially since it keeps getting better and better everytime we get together. Like, last sunday, practice stopped at 6:15 and we actually had a break...how insane is that. Then the next night, our practice went till after 10pm - this never ever ever happens... I love my team & God for being such a wicked member.

I really should be sleeping with an important singing exam tomorrow but can i be stuffed??? no of course not. One of the most distressing things about my busy schedule this week is that I dont have a free night to go and see star wars - sucks to be me. And then I dont have a weekend because of worship retreat (ok so that doesnt suck) but it means everyone that I know will have seen it by the time I am free and I'll have to watch it myself...grrrrrrr poo bum stink and weasel (never quite understood what the weasel had to do with it though...)

Introducing...the nokia 7610....

Oh and I think this is the sexiest phone I have seen so far. I said this to Jess and she thought it was really funny me calling something sexy, but it is....call me crazy if you will. Its definately on my wish list....Ah sleep deprivation.....what good it does for the soul

Vision Banquet

Every year, our church has this event which most people would refer to as the agm - or annual general meeting. Blad de blah blah blah boring buisness stuff. One of the funky things tho, is that the creative ministries budget (ie Woship!) is to be doubled for this year which rocks like anything. Also, we're developing a room off the auditorium into this mean as video editing suite. To my shock, amazment and absolute excitement, when I asked about the possiblity of getting a live feed from the auditorium so we could record music, he was like "sweet as, sounds like a wicked idea, shouldnt be much of a problem." Sweet!!!! Then i asked about software that we need, and he was like "shouldn't be too much of a problem" Man o man is God good or what!!!! Now Tash and I just have to write more songs, we've only done 3 in the last couple of months so had better pick up the pace. Wicked as. No wonder I cant sleep at 1:15 in the morning.....

Springfield were playing tonight at the Copper boiler, if it hadnt been so loud it would have been awesome. Oh well, thats the way it goes then.

blah blah blah friday night blah

Hmmm.

I really wish I was doing something other than writing on my blog. It seems the more time that you spend doing stuff with friends the more time that your by yourself, becomes really crap.

Stupid stupid stupid. I'm really annoyed I'm gonna miss Jono's itemy thing at church this sunday because of a leaders meeting planning for our worship team retreat that I don't think is necessary. Ah well, I can't really take it out on anyone except for my blog readers so there you go....

I think I might actually go and do some work....oh how my friday nights have changed, or rather not improved at all...

Oooooo!!! Star Wars "colon" Episode III

How I love those colon films (Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, The Lord of the Rings: The fellowship of the ring etc): seriously excited though, now only to find someone who is equally excited and will not go "ewww so your like, one of them star wars freaks" like I had today.... stupid ditzy non-science fiction/action loving girlies-if anyone is so inclined, i would be appreciative to learn that I was not the only person who found solace in the fictional world of George Lucas....please???

Well, if not then i guess i will be redecorating my room mucho fast before anyone happens upon it.

So many people....

It is interesting to count how many people walk down Queens Street every minute. In the time that it took me to walk from the bottom of Queen Street to Real Groovy I passed over 500 people. (I stopped counting at 500 anyway) Even with this large number of people, I saw no-one that I knew or recognised, or even faintly believed I had walked past a couple of days ago. In such a large group of people, there was not one person I could have talked to and yet I am sure that many of these people were wonderful friendly loving individuals. I suddenly felt very alone in the world as I thought this walking into Real Groovy. Could there be anything worse than feeling completely alone in a world where you were surrounded by so many people?

“Ain’ the stars perty t’naht?”

It must be lonely, out in space. Even with its millions of galaxies and billions of stars, there is a darkness that invades it. The stars themselves can’t understand this darkness, for their glorious light pierces it, nullifies it. They cannot know, for they cannot see, that darkness eludes them - yet it is their own light that stops them from seeing. It must be lonely there, in that darkness. It sees the light of the stars and yet sadly, cannot draw near.

In my darkness, you are the light
In my desperation, you are my comforter
In my loneliness, you are my friend
In my heart, you are Lord of my life

Youth Band rocks

Today was a pretty good day. I had to take the youth band by myself because of Tash's prior engagement with Luke's wedding. I'm mucho impressed at how well the adapt and can learn to do the new stuff you ask them to. The greatest thing is that I don't really have to do much, just tell them what to play and then make comments about how they might think about doing it differently. The one annoyance I sustained was that I had to mix the sound myself because Mitch was at a 'moot.' Thats the second time in the last month that I have heard the term moot (when not referring to a meeting of Ents) and I am surprised that it is new terminology for me altogether. Ah the english language and its endless ability to surprise and entertain me.

Anyhoo, being an absolute shocker of a sound guy, (seeing as I have learnt by twiddling somw knobs on the desk) the sound itself wasnt that great. And missing a bass guitarist did not help the overall sound. However it is the little improvements that impress me the most: getting the interlude sound right, beginning to communicate with each other, showing contrast in the different parts of the song. All of these things contribute to making good music and a flippin good team.

I also can't wait to hear Tash's commentary on the wedding. She is somewhat infamous for it. And seeing as though the preparation for the wedding was in someplaces a little...unusual I think there will be plenty of stuff to chat about...

Prayer

Today was centered around the topic of prayer for me. It has been a subject that I have been tossing around in my head for quite some time. What is prayer really all about? I mean, I know what prayer does, i think i know what prayer consists of (that is the action part) but what does it all mean to me, my soul and my life.

Is prayer only an event that begins with a "Dear God" etc or can it be somthing continuous - a life that breathes prayer to God. I think that is what I want prayer to be for me. Prayer should be a constant searching for God's will in every situation with the end result that God's will for my life becomes my will. I want the desires of my heart to be the desires that God has for me.

In saying that, prayer should still involve time set aside to focus of the areas of my life or others lives that need specific prayer or that concern me. It is inevitable the the will of God is not always going to strike the exact direction that I want to take so it is vital that I dialogue with God or commune with him to understand those faults in the desires of my heart.

One of the things that has been bugging me about the Lords prayer is the way that so many people I have talked to recently have viewed the prayer as the best way that we can pray because that is how Jesus prayed. Firstly, as our senior pastor kindly pointed out on Sunday, Jesus would have never prayed this prayer for him self as the "forgive us our sins" doesn't particuarliy resound with the perception that the bible portrays of Jesus as sin-less. However, the Lord's prayer does provide us with an excellent structure as to how we could pray.

1. Our father who is in heaven hallowed be they name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven = pray that gods will work through you and others to do Gods will
2. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us = pretty literal, pray for forgiveness for the things that you have done wrong (but you will only be forgiven if you forgive others first)
3. Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from evil = we know that as followers of God, we will be hated by the world (as the world hated Jesus) so we pray that God will protect us and those that do his work on earth from evil and the things in life that tempt us to do wrong.
4. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever = praise God for his awesome power and for the great things he has done in you life and the lives of others around you.

(NB: this is based on my perception of the bible and is what i currently percieve the lords prayer to mean)

Our church is currently looking at prayer and how it should be reflected in our lives. Tash (who leads a worship band with me) and I got together today to write a version of The Lords Prayer for our congregation. Its interesting the way that God is working through us to create music that can speak (hopefully) directly to the hearts of the youth we serve. I must say I really love working with Tash, I don't know where the words she writes (this was an abstraction of the lords prayer, not a direct transcription) come from, but they seriously rock ass and I know they have to come from God. (No tash i didnt put that there coz i know your gonna read it soon)

The Paradox of the Civil Union

I was just chatting with my mate Mitch today who has come up with the most brilliant loop hole in the Civil Union legislation. He proposes that if he was to get a civil union with his girlfriend (removed from the church) he would hence be able to receive a student allowance as the poor couple trying to make their way in the world instead of being excluded by the government based on the income of his parents. As if your parents after 18 years of raising you could be stuffed paying for any of your university fees...Sheer brilliance on Mitch's part.

The only problem that could cripple the whole plan is the issue of living together....meh! I guess i'll just put that into the section of my brain simply refered to as the "section of the brain which contains paradoxi that conflict with the rational and theology which my life satellites."

Stupid brain still working at half past midnight. GRRRR.

(Hmmm. i wonder what miss pennybrains will mock out of that. I look forward to a good laugh tomorrow night.)

Jonathan Boyd Palmer

Following on from the excellent blog I have just read on Jacob's testimony - funny how quite a few people had no idea what Jakes was going on about...hmm - I thought I should share mine, so that those who read this blog have some idea of who I am and what I am like.

So, I was born in Auckland, New Zealand on the 4th November 1986. Since then I have lived on the North Shore with my parents and my brother. I was nutured in a commited christian home and since I can remember have had the knowledge of God and the presense of Jesus in my life. I was baptised in my heart when I was 13 and physically last August. (2004) My life is centered around the church and my passion for music.

I am a worship leader at Windsor Park Baptist Church and have played keys in the band for 4 years. I am currently studying for a Bachelor of Music and a Bachelor of Arts at Auckland University, double majoring in Performance Voice and Classical Studies. A large majority of my friends are also passionate about music and using music to grow the kingdom of God.

I have found the beginning of this year to contain some of the most difficult struggles of my life. University in itself is a huge step from high school and the pressures of university philosophy and the independance that goes with being at university has put great stress on my relationships with friends and with God. Because school is such an awesome tool to maintain friendships, being at a stage where you really have to work hard to see you friends has meant that I have neglected some of those people who I hold most dear to me. This is my most current struggle and an area that I have to commit to God to fix.

Having said that, one of the greatest things that has helped me in this time of change is directly related to a change in my prayer patterns. Rather than simply praying to God for the things I want, I now pray that God would be able to do his will for me and my life. This has meant that my prayers have always been answered and I am seeing that God is changing the desires of my heart to be the desires of his - this was the most important revelation I had at Easter camp and so far the best this year.

So, there we go...me in a nutshell.

greetings

Sup my brothers and sisters...(ooo how completely out of character)
This is a blog that you may frequent, or may never visit ever again. Although out of context to what was originally said, i was told that it you ever found something that was truly perfect that you should leave it alone and go away because you'd simply taint it. That is a truth that is absolute here. So your visiting here, although it may have been an accident, is perfectly welcome. You were invited before you even knew that this blog existed.

As for the first long while I will be the only person frequenting this place, i will most likely post things that mean something to me and will not include an explaination for you. If an explaination is what you so desire, then please tell me to do so, thus the dialogue can develop from your input.