d-camp

Another camp over I and yet again got a huge amount out of it.

The youth band were so awesome. Its really cool to see a group of people that you have worked with worshiping God with all there heart and their music. Very encouraging.

On a more personal note an very significant revelation came to me while I was away. During the saturday night meeting we were led through an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Word. Not that this was anything new to me but because I was creating some atmospheric music with the keys I didn't really get an opportunity to join in the experience.

Earlier on in the afternoon everyone who I was with suddenly disappeared and so I took the opportunity to do some meditation. Over the past year and a bit I have been really struggling to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit work in me. For most of my life it has been a source of encouragement and support when I have needed it. All through my childhood years, Jesus was my best friend who was always by my side.

While Jesus is still my best friend, the overwhelming sense of him being close by my side has gone. Ever since I first felt the absence of the holy spirit, I have believed that there was something blocking me from God, some sin in my life that has held me back. While meditating in my cabin I yet again felt that sense of aloneness and separation from Jesus. Through much pain and many tears I begged God for the answer to why he has left me.

Then during the dinner I had a conversation with Heather which led into a discussion of different stages on the walk with Christ. She talked about the childhood stage where you simply accept everything to the adolescent stage when you begin to question those things that you knew to be true. She also talked about a stage that some people go through when the spirit leaves them completely. I was quite excited to find that Jesus is simply expecting me to trust in him. I don't need to feel the spirit within me all the time. If we ask to be filled by the spirit then we will be, regardless of whether we feel it or not. We need to do more than ask for God to fill us with the spirit, we need to be expectant that when we ask, we will be.

Even now that I know where Jesus is for me, I still do not know how long he expects me to wait for him. All I know is that he has a plan for me, even if it is ten years before I know what that is, I will be wait, trusting in Him alone.